Emotional Disregard
by glintwarsgreatest
Summary: Sometimes thinking can ruin a good thing. Right? Katniss and Peeta. Modern Day AU One Shot. (It's got more chapters now)
1. Chapter 1

"You never come out with us man!"

I hear Gale huff out in annoyance at Peeta's unwillingness to capitulate to his need to drink and hit on girls in public. Finn merely stands to the side watching the show, his eyes darting to meet mine every few moments. I'm trying to hide a smirk at Gale's insistence and Peeta's silent but determined refusal.

Living with Gale and Finnick has taught me a lot about our group of friends and how it operates. Gale may be much more buff and confident now than he was when we were kids but while his presence may be enough to get his way with most people, Peeta is not one of them.

Finnick groans as Gale starts in on his argument once again and Peeta walks away shaking his head, smirking. Landing on the couch next to me I laugh a little before following what has become a sort of fucked up routine of calming Gale down after letting him throw his tantrum.

"Gale. Peeta is a grown man. If he doesn't want to go out he doesn't have to. You see him practically every day. If he doesn't want to go out, he doesn't have to, just like you don't have to stay here and watch Lord of the Rings with us. That is your decision. Get off his balls okay?"

Gale huffs and I roll my eyes.

"Whatever Katniss. I'm just looking for some boy time. And you too. But I know you don't want to go out so I don't even bother asking anymore."

I laugh at his petulance and Finnick groans again. Most people cow to his demands but I've told him repeatedly he reminds me of a toddler who doesn't get his way. When he acts this way I treat him as such, which drives his crazy and in turn gives me ceaseless amusement.

"Gale I occasionally do go out. I just don't like to do that anymore. I've lived through my "going out and getting trashed and hooking up with strangers" phase. Remember when I went off to college? That's what I was doing. Now all I want to do is stay in my nice apartment and get drunk and high in the comfort of my own home while something mildly entertaining plays of the television in front of me. However, if you two need a ride tonight call me instead of getting a taxi again like two fuckheads."

Finnick laughs and grabs Gale arm. The routine has been complete, and with Gale's tail between his legs he will be more likely to get a move on. We are nothing if not a well oiled machine.

"We'll see you guys tomorrow morning probably." Finn flashes a smile and Gale a sulky grimace before they head out the door. I follow behind to lock the deadbolt, and hear Peeta in the kitchen where he is presumably cleaning out the bubbler. He likes things to be clean, and I can't say I mind when he is the one doing the cleaning. Walking into my room (the master thankfully), I grab my blanket, walking out and hurling it down on the couch. My body follows close behind, and much in the same fashion as the blanket onto the couch, and I listen as Peeta completes his cleaning process.

"Okay so which one are we on?" I ask while I check my phone.

Peeta walks up and hands me a freshly packed bubbler before heading towards the DVD player.

"Return of the King. Get greens on that."

I nod at him and take a hit, handing him the piece once he settles down on the love seat. The movie starts in silence as we pass the smoking apparatus back and forth, getting comfortably high, and reveling in the magic of Middle Earth. After a few minutes I feel the unfortunate signs that I need to take a piss begin to stir. Getting up I make my way to the bathroom, and when I return to the couch I find Peeta wrapped in my blanket taking up its entirety.

"What the fuck man." I laugh at how smug he looks to have stolen my seat and make my way over to the love seat before he speaks up.

"You know, you can join me Katniss." I turn to look at him, and see that he has lifted up the blanket, essentially inviting me to spoon with him on the couch. If Gale and Finn were here this would never happen but ever since we started fucking the lines have begun to blur whenever we are alone. I'm not sure how I feel about it to be honest. I mean, don't get me wrong: the sex is absolutely amazing; mind blowing even, and I've definitely done the friends who fuck thing before, with great success. Shit, Gale and I even had a very short lived fling in high school. But this thing with Peeta is different somehow in my head, and that confuses the fuck out of me.

I don't do feelings. At least not romantic feelings. There's no room. I already feel the feelings I can't control too strongly to not be absolutely terrified of letting my heart run the whole decision making thing. However I am quickly realizing this is starting to be one of those things I can't control.

So I hesitate as I consider his offer. When his eyes begin to sadden ever so slightly however, I find myself climbing onto the couch with him, enveloped by his warmth. I can't help the heavy feeling that this is a losing battle for me in the long run, but the way he smells and the way his chest feels pressed against my back causes me to close my eyes and lose my train of thought; all reasonable thought gone instantaneously.

Fuck me.

When his arm winds it's way around my middle, drawing me closer, I instinctively wrap my own arm around his, securing it to my middle. Lately I've been super aware of my actions around Peeta, trying to not let myself give into the simplest of impulses, impulses I've never had before for anyone. This morning when he had a tuft of fuzz in his hair I slipped, running my hand through his hair for too long and not realizing it until he cleared this throat, bringing me back to reality.

To say my inability to contain my actions unnerved me would be an understatement. Yet now here I am, holding him to me, wrapped in his arms, our legs intertwined as his heart beats wildly in his chest against my back. He's hard already against my ass and it's obvious he's been ready for this for some time. But does his attraction to me actually mean anything? I can hear the reason nagging at my mind, but my body doesn't seem to fucking care, and my ass takes on a mind of it's own. I begin to slowly and intermittently pressing my ass against him, eventually working into a painfully teasing thrusting game, one I decide to speed up by bringing his hand up over my tit.

Peeta buries his face in my neck when I reach between us and grab him through his shorts, and his fingers fly to my nipple when I finally undo his zipper. He's not fully hard and begins to rock into my hand, which I have begun to move up and down his shaft in time with our thrusting motions. I moan, surprising myself. Usually I see foreplay as a pretense to what I actually want to be doing, but for some reason getting Peeta off gets me so hot I can barely function correctly until he's inside me. It's slightly disconcerting. When I'm so wet I can feel it soaking my shorts, I sit up, sliding off the couch and kneel in front of him.

His hands find my hair as I begin to fuck him with my mouth. I don't know how I got lucky and managed to have somewhat great oral prowess but the things I can do with my mouth have never been explored as thoroughly as they have the past few months with Peeta. I can't help it. For some reason it turns me into a new person, the kind that does shit like I am currently doing, as I force him to sit up on the couch and I take my shirt and bra off. My knees, which I'm sitting on are spread so far apart even I'm impressed with myself, my hands gripping his hips as I do what could only be described as suckle on his cock.

His beautiful, perfect cock. I have seen some nice penis in my time but his is simply wonderful, thick but not too much, long enough that it's impressive, and most importantly: he knows what he is doing with it. And dear God do I love the things I get to do with it.

I begin to move up and down on my knees, my nipples brushing him with every pass as I bob up and down on his cock. After going to town for more than twenty minutes I finally can't take not being in on the fun anymore. I look up at him, making eye contact as his cock swells even more in my mouth. I pop him out of my mouth, and he guides me to straddle him, taking my breast in his mouth when I finally am settled. Moaning I throw my head back, weaving my hands through his hair. This is why I can't dwell on my pesky feelings; if he doesn't return them it could ruin these moments, where I think I could come from just his tongue on my tit.

"Katniss." He murmurs against me and I hum in response. "Bedroom." He grunts out and I step off the couch, shirtless and pull him behind me, the both of us practically sprinting to my room. I lose my shorts in record time and grab one of the necessity driven strategically placed condom. When he takes his time taking off his clothes I watch as I lazily tweak my own nipple. He catches me doing so and jumps on top of me gracelessly causing us both to start laughing. We laugh so hard that I'm still laughing when he finally pushes into me, all the way in one rough thrust.

The laugh in my throat turns immediately into a moan of gratitude. One thing I've learned about Peeta is that he likes to fuck me methodically. _Thoroughly. _When he's on top of me, my legs wrapped around him, my hands clinging to his ass, he likes slow, hard, long thrusts, where he can watch himself slowly disappear inside of me. It drives me insane. He lets out a rumble, deep from his chest and I can't help the whine that escapes from me.

Usually we have to be quiet so no one knows what it is that we are doing, but tonight there's no one to hear. Realizing that does something to me, and when Peeta's hips are once again flush with mine, I can't keep silent anymore. It's like a pipe that's been clogged and has finally been cleared when I open my mouth, and I can tell that Peeta really _really _likes it. So much so that he when he withdraws to flip me over on my stomach I know it's because he can't continue his slow pace anymore. I distantly realize that I'm gradually becoming more excited as he begins to fuck me with his fingers while I lay on my stomach keening like an animal. I love when he fucks me from behind. If everyone had to specialize in something sexually, taking a woman from behind would be his.

He slowly fucks me with one finger, driving me insane as he bites at my shoulders and back.

"Fuck. Just one finger and you're so tight. That's amazing." He tells me roughly in my ear.

I push against his finger, hoping to convey to him that I'm beyond ready to get the show on the road.

"What's amazing is how good your finger feels, even if I much prefer your cock." I smirk at him over my shoulder and he laughs at me, before sliding an arm under my stomach and hoisting me up onto all fours.

"Oh I can accommodate your preferences." He says as he slides into me, and I groan.

"Yessssssssssssss. Fuck Peeta, yes." I repeat this phrase over and over, pushing back against him, feeling his balls slap against my ass with the force of our thrusts. I grip onto the sheets below my hands, until I have to use one on the headboard to keep myself up due to the sheer force Peeta is using to fuck me. When one of his hands reaches around and begins to rub against my clit, his teeth scraping down my shoulder blade whatever control I had flies by the wayside.

I've never been what would be described as a "screamer" but in this moment I can't seem to keep from doing so. All I can say is his name, something I'm sure my neighbors are currently thrilled to be learning as I scream it over and over again in time with the slapping of our bodies.

"Fuck Katniss. Fuck I'm going to come." He grunts out as he slams into me and stays put for a few moments, something he knows by now that really gets me going.

"Me too". I finally choke out and he begins to furiously fuck me, my eyes rolling back in my head as white flashes begin to take over my senses. As I begin to convulse in pleasure I can feel him do the same, driving himself into me one last time before staying there and collapsing against my back, causing me to drop into the mattress breathless.

When he finally rolls off of me, I follow and he immediately takes me into his arms.

"You're really good at that you know." I tease as I draw a finger through his chest hair. He chuckles and rubs his nose in my hair.

"You inspire me." His voice is low in how he replies, so I turn to look at him, those fucking feelings invading all over again. I start to begin to speak when the sound of the door unlocking interrupts me.

"I guess Finn and Gale are home." I sigh, lying my head down on his chest instead of saying something stupid about how I love him. His fingers trace my upper arm slowly.

"Yeah .I guess the funs over." It's all he says before yawning and drifting off to sleep, but unlike any of the other times, he doesn't loosen his grip on me.

Maybe for now that's going to have to be good enough.


	2. Chapter 2

So I've decided to make this into either a 3 or 5 part story, depending on how long it gets. I had asked on my tumblr ( .com) what one shot you wanted expanded and this is the winner (I had a feeling lol). So here's part two!

* * *

**6 months later**

"Do you accept?"

The man sitting behind the desk in front of me is smiling, and all of his words indicate something good is actually happening here, but for some reason I am stuck in some kind of la la land where I know this is some kind of trick. It has to be, because if it isn't, that means I am actually being offered a job where I can use my degree. I was finally done with school, waiting tables, and basically just fucking around until the job market gods saw fit to reward me.

This job has a salary and insurance and a 401K. I'll have money…. Way more than I have right now. It will be the beginning of my actual real adult life, instead of this quasi after college dream I've been living in. I mean, I still want to live there, every day is fun and I'm with my friends, but now I'm not afraid I'll never escape it.

The only part of this whole thing that bothers me is how I can feel a singular thought nagging in the back of my brain, the one thought I shouldn't be having – how excited I am to tell him. I shake my head to rid it from its hold, and smile back.

"Yes, of course."

He grins even more largely at me, all of his teeth showing.

"Great! It will start in one month, which should give you plenty of time to get settled."

I smile knowingly.

"New office?"

His eyebrows rise slightly.

"No, in D.C.."

I deflate a little inside. Oh no. I'll have to leave. My entire life, with the exception of undergraduate school has been here in this town. We moved here when I was six, after my Dad died, and I came back after I graduated to get my masters here, instead of going somewhere else out of town. My family is here, my friends, Peeta… they are all here. But for some reason, when I respond to the unspoken question hanging in the air, I find I shock myself.

"That won't be a problem. Can you email me the salary and work details?"

Standing up to shake my hand, he nods enthusiastically.

"Yes, of course, and welcome to the firm Miss. Everdeen. We are excited to have you. You'll have a 5 day grace period to consider everything."

I smile but I feel a shiver run down my spine.

"Thank you so much Mr. Crane, I'm excited to be here."

* * *

After telling my Mom and Sister my news at our weekly family dinner, I make my way home. My nerves are jumpy and while I can pretend not to know the reason, I am in actuality so aware of it that it's turning me into a wreck. Thousands of questions fly through my brain. The funny part is, not a single one of them is concerned with Gale or Finnick's reactions. I know how they will react. They will be enthusiastic and loving and congratulatory. They'll have my apartment picked out and their first long weekend visit planned by the end of the night.

However, I have no idea how Peeta will react. You'd think after sleeping with him for more than half a year now I would know, but this dance we have been constantly at for the past few months has left him so unpredictable to me that it's maddening.

I hate myself for continuing on with it but I still do it regardless. All of my will power flies out of that damn window he's always leaving open the moment he smiles at me when it's just us, or when I think of how he wakes up before me the mornings after when he's stayed the night just to make coffee for my early morning runs. But we don't say anything, we don't talk about it, and our feelings are never a part of it. It's overwhelming and I'm letting it consume me.

The questions. Is it me? What is so wrong with me that he doesn't want me that way? He's always saying how he doesn't want to be in a relationship when I'm in the room with him, how much more direct could he be? How could I keep on doing something like this when I know it's killing me inside? How will he react? Will he at least be a little sad, will he feel like he's even losing anything more than just his friend? Or will he be right there with Gale and Finnick planning their first trip to visit? Which one will hurt me the least?

I'm so consumed by my minds racket that when I pull into my parking spot outside the apartment stairwells, I'm shocked to realize I'm at home. Taking a deep breath I turn off the car and collect my things before making my way up the stairs.

I open the door to hear Gale and Finnick arguing about "who the red head was hitting on" last night, while Peeta sits in a chair at the table smirking at the two of them. He sees me and smiles, his eyes glinting with amusement at our friends.

"Dude I'm telling you, she was eye fucking me last night. Not you." Gale is fairly worked up while Finnick is looking at him like he has just turned into a green alien.

"No, bro. That's that chick I fucked a few months back. At Glimmer's wedding. Remember?" Finnick calmly speaks to Gale, and that's how I realize he's goading him. We only use that tone with Gale when he acts like a child, and he knows it. It really sets him off into an even more exaggerated tantrum, the irony completely lost on him.

We are the worst friends sometimes.

Gale's eyes grow wide at Finnick's response and I have to stifle a laugh.

"Are you fucking kidding me? No fucking way. You never said you fucked someone at that wedding, and I know you're shitting me right now."

"Dude no I'm not, why would I lie about getting laid? I'm not like Peeta."

Gale laughs at this, while I feel every hair on the back of my neck stand up.

"What do you mean not like Peeta?" I ask, smiling at Finnick. He'll want me in on the joke too.

"Everytime we try to get Peet laid he always says he's "fine" and last night when we were out and we tried he said he was – and I quote – taken care of already. But he wouldn't tell us who he's nailing so I think he just made it all up."

"Yeah, that story sounds about as real as Finnick's wedding story." Gale huffs out and Finnick flashes a grin at me before turning on him once again. I turn my eyes towards Peeta, whose face is bright red.

Making my way over to the kitchen, I grab a pot and a spoon, banging loudly enough that Gale and Finnick stop yelling at each other.

"Jesus Fuck Katniss, what was that for?" Gale whines.

"I have some news that I want to share, and you two idiots are arguing about some girl that probably has herpes."

Peeta laughs at this as does Finnick. Gale rolls his eyes.

"On with it then." He finally says and I smile.

"I was finally offered a job today, for the Crane and Smith Consulting Firm. I'd be a consultant for environmental firms, yada yada yada, you guys know what I went to school for."

Finnick whoops and I grin.

"There is one thing though. It's um, in Washington D.C. It starts in a month, so I'd have to leave in 3 weeks."

The room goes silent for a few long moments. I hear Gale clap his hands.

"Well that means two things. First, we have to party really hard the next three weeks, because you have to take that job. Secondly, we need to find out what the bar scene is like in D.C. for when we all come to visit."

"Oh shit do you know where you're going to live?" Finnick asks and I shake my head, smiling so hard my cheeks hurt at how eager they are. Just like I had envisioned it.

"Well it's got to be some place good! I'll get my computer." He saunters off to his room and Gale follows. I smile in their direction for a moment before taking a breath to direct my stare elsewhere. I turn to look at Peeta, and find him staring at me, with startling intensity. Leaning back against the counter, I raise my eyebrow at him.

"So? What do you think?"

Instead of answering, he stands up and in four strides is right in front of where I lean.

"Are you not going to tell me?" I ask, my voice barely above a whisper. Instead of answering me, he grabs my wrist from the counter and tugs me backwards, towards my room. We make our way slowly, until we are in the room and he has shut the door.

"Peeta, are you even going to say anything? And what about Finnick and Gale? They're going to know what we are up to."

He finally stops his advance on me and speaks.

"I will. I will say something. But not right now. And fuck them, I don't care."

I don't have a chance to say anything before he has my back pressed against the wall, his mouth on mine. No matter what I had envisioned as his reaction it certainly wasn't this, but he has done things like this to me before.

The last time he wouldn't talk to me until after he had fucked me was when I had gone on a date my friend had set me up on. He had gotten so pissed under the pretense that I didn't even tell him I was going on a date that we hadn't talked in two days, and even after we fucked we hadn't talked about his show of possessiveness, not like how I had wanted.

Sensible thought would dictate to me that this time wouldn't be any different. He'll never say the things I want to hear from him, but instead of stopping him, I lift my right leg up to wind around his waist, pulling him closer.

He hands, which had been on either side of my head, make their way from the tops of my shoulders down to my wrist, and grabbing them he places them above my head. He grinds himself into me harder, and I whine. The hand not holding my wrists in place travels down to my "interview pants", making quick work of the thousands of buttons and zipper, allowing them to fall down my legs. I step out of them quickly, my underwear soon following.

When I try to move my hands to take his pants off he growls and bites down on my bottom lip, causing me to cry out. I hear him unzip himself and pull down his pants, pushing himself against me once he is free of them. I whimper at the feeling, and he finally withdraws his hold on my wrists, using both arms to hoist me up. My legs wrap around him, as my head hits a framed photo hanging on the wall causing it to crash to the ground, the sound of the glass breaking covering the sound of my moan when Peeta slams himself inside of me.

Pulling me a little further out so my back is resting against the wall but my torso is bent, he begins to fuck me like a madman. I meet him thrust for thrust, and soon I hear the echo of my grunts filling the room. When I feel him begin to come inside of me I follow, my toes tingling as they curl.

Peeta slowly lowers me down the wall and I unfurl my legs, stepping around him to flop down in my bed. He follows, lying down next to me on "his" side. After a few moments of catching our breaths, I hear him speak barely over a whisper.

"So, D.C. huh?"

Copying him I lie on my stomach and rest my face on my cheek, looking into his eyes.

"Yeah. D.C."

"Just like that?"

I feel anger bubble inside but I try to push it down.

"No. I am still considering. It's a great opportunity though."

He looks at me for a long moment before responding, his eyes somewhere in the distance.

"Yeah it is. Why are you even pretending to consider it?"

I furrow my brow. Does he think it's an easy choice?

"Peeta, of course I'm considering it. There are a lot of reason to take the job, sure, but there are reasons to not take it too."

He looks at me like I'm crazy.

"Katniss, what are you talking about. What reasons? Your family, your friends? We'll still be here won't we?"

I don't know why, but for some reason, the way he sounds or the tone he used declaring they would all still be here if I left, causes me to snap. How can he not know? Or how does he pretend so well that he doesn't know? It's now or never I suppose.

"Peeta, you have to know. You have to know why." I say it so softly I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't hear me, but the look that flashes across his face tells me he did.

"Katniss… that's not…" He begins and I can't take it anymore. I shoot up and look at him with anger, but mostly sadness in my eyes.

"That's not what this is. I know."

He comes to sit next to me, his hands on my shoulders turning me towards him. He looks like he has something important to say and I hold my breath. He struggles for a moment, before dropping his head, his shoulders sagging.

"I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry."

Without a second thought (ok, well that's a lie), I get up off the bed and make my way towards the restroom.

"No need to apologize Peeta. I knew what this was. It's my fault." I shrug at him and smile, trying desperately to keep from fucking falling apart, closing the door behind me.

As I slide to the floor and lean against the door I can hear him dress and leave my room, and even though I can hear my friends laughing on the other side of the wall, I still somehow feel completely alone.


	3. Chapter 3

I have no Internet so I had to write this out on my phone. Sorry for any errors.

3 months later

I make my way down the sidewalk after parking my car. Climbing the stairs and unlocking my door I sigh and kick the last bits of snow off of my boots. There's nothing worse than the fucking winter. It's cold and my joints ache from old high school soccer injuries making me even more grumpy than usual. When I finally open the door I'm surprised to hear the sounds of people in my kitchen, especially since I live alone.

Making my way down the hallway I toss my purse on the banister of the stairs. The sound of Gale booming about the "longest fucking car ride of his life" brings a smile to my face. However once I begin to wonder how exactly he got into my house my smile fades into quite the scowl.

Flinging open the door I spot Gale and Finnick siting at my island, looking completely at home. They spot me and Finnick, who's seems already half drunk, stands and picks me up in a bear hug.

"Katniss! Surprise!" He shakes me side to side and I go limp hoping he gets the hint. He doesn't and walks me over to the island instead, plopping me down onto a stool.

"As excited as I am to see you two baboons I'm a little worried that my house is too easy to break into."

Gale grins at me and pushes a beer my way.

"Please Katniss. We know you keep your window cracked when you sleep." He waggled his eyebrows at me and I blush. Ever since he and Finnick found out about me and Peeta they've been insufferable.

Not that there is a me and Peeta. I haven't talked to him since I left home. Our parting was too much for me anyways. I cried and he looked... Lost. He didn't say anything, just kissed me on the forehead before walking out of the apartment while I sat amongst all my boxes. It was rough.

I sit quietly staring at my beer, picking at the label until I hear Finnick clear his throat.

"How are you doing Kat?"

I shake myself out of my daze and attempt to smile at him.

"I'm ok. How's... Home?" My eyes dart from his face to my hands on the table. Fucking pathetic.

"Home is... Different. Quiet. Despondent even." My head shoots up and I see Gale and Finnick share a look before looking at me.

"Home is here actually. At the liquor store. He's been fucking fidgeting since we got an hour out so we sent him on an errand."

My heart slams into my chest.

"He's here?"

Finnick looks guilty and nods his head.

"We couldn't not tell him Kat. It's fucking pathetic. He's like a goddamn puppy who got kicked. All. The. Time."

"Yeah. What exactly did you do to him? Is your pussy that magical?" Gale grins at me and I attempt to give him one back but it doesn't quite work.

"He was the one who didn't want me Gale. Not the other way around."

Gale scrunches his eyebrows together and begins to say something before Finnick interrupts.

"Well Fuck him then. Now, have you been out yet? How hot are the Capitol interns?"

I roll my eyes but this time I manage a smile.

"Nope I figured I'd wait until you fools showed up. And as for the Capitol interns I couldn't tell you. I mean I know they can run in skirts though because I saw one booking it across the street the other day."

Finnick whoops and Gale laughs, and I in turn smile at them both.

"I'm really glad you guys are here. This is the first time this place has felt like home."

"Aw we've missed you too Catnip." Gale winks at me. "Now get your ass in the shower and put on something revealing. We are all getting laid tonight!"

I laugh at him and make my way up stairs.

As I shower I find my mind drifting to Peeta. More specifically the fact that Peeta is here is D.C. And then, surpassing my enormous capacity to long for him in just the nick of time, I begin to finally - Blissfully - get angry at him. Because Gale is right. What I bring to the table sexually is amazing. I'm also smart, moderately attractive... I've turned down multiple dates because for the past year I started to believe I wasn't good enough for anyone at all if I wasn't good enough for Peeta.

By the time I'm standing in front of my closet I'm in a full on rage. And I do something I've never done before.

I set out to show him how badly he fucked up.

-  
When I finally emerge from my room I can hear all the boys downstairs, music playing in the background. I check my emotions, and steel myself against any of old Katniss' pathetic Peeta love. Tonight he won't be feeling love from me. He'll be watching me from afar just like I used to watch him. I can be an ice bitch if I want and tonight I definitely want.

When I finally reach the bottom of the stairs, Finnick's head turns my way and his jaw goes slack.

"Dibs!"

I grin at him before seductively winking.

"Oh baby I'm no ones to claim, but I'm sure we can have some fun."

He grins at me and Gale finally joins him in the space of the living room that allows him to see me at the bottom of the stairs where I stand switching purses.

"Holy fucking god Catnip. When did you get tits?"

I roll my eyes at him. My dress, which is a sleeved skin tight black mini dress really leaves nothing to the imagination. Paired with some below the knee fitted and heeled boots I look like I walked out of someone's wet dream. Or more specifically a dream that Peeta had once told me about when he was black out drunk in high school.

Bless my memory.

When he finally joins Gale and Finnick his reaction tells me he remember his dream, his eyes round as saucers. I fight against a smile and scowl instead.

"Peeta."

He swallows thickly.

"Katniss. Hey. I hope it's ok I came."

I walk into the well lit living room so he can see that I put eyeliner on and did my hair in waves. Walking past them towards the bar I plaster on my most fake smile.

"Of course not. We're friends, why on earth would I mind?" Cocking my head slightly to the left I take a sip out of the beer I now hold in my hand.

I see him frown slightly before answering,

"Yeah you're right."

I lean against the side of the marble counter.

"People tend to tell me that." My eyes never leave his as I drink from my bottle. I let myself look until I stop drinking and turn to Finnick who wears an amused expression.

"Alright Finn where are we going?"

I don't know where we are, but I do know I hate it. The music is awful, the lights are threatening to send me into my first seizure, and it smells like sweat and sex.

I tell myself that My mood has nothing to do with the fact that I'm fucking horny, finishing what's left of my drink and checking the time. 1:39. We will be leaving soon and besides buying drinks all Peeta has fucking done tonight is watch me. He watched me dance with a guy for over thirty minutes. He watched us exchange numbers because the guy had to leave early. He watched me stand in line to get my 6th drink. And now he's watching me as I call for a cab. It's what I wanted. I wanted him to watch and I wanted him to feel pain and hopefully jealousy. The plan worked out.

What I hadn't planned was how much him watching me all night with his face screwed up in anger and jealously would fucking turn me on. Fuck it. I know I'm going to do it so it might as well be on my terms.

Turning I make eye contact with him, not once looking away as I talk to the cab company. Only when I hang up does he move, and I morph into the crowd to find Finnick and Gale before he can get to me. When I drag them out moments later he's standing next to the door waiting. I look at him quickly before ignoring his small smile. He thinks I've caved and he's partially right. But I'm still so angry at him it burns into my core.

I haven't had sex in months now, and the guy I was entertaining bringing home has already left. So I've caved. But I won't let myself think that I've caved because of his fucking stupid sad blue eyes watching me all night, including right now as we all pile into the taxi.

The ride home is silent, as Gale passed out almost as soon as his ass hit his seat and Finnick is entertained by the passing lights. I can feel his stare on the back of my head but I stay facing forward in the passengers seat. Pulling bills out of my wallet I hand them to the driver when we pull up in front of my house. I briskly walk to my front door and the boys amble on behind me.

Finnick immediately heads towards the bottom floor office, which has a futon and Gale barely makes it to the couch before falling down in exhaustion. Peeta stands in the entry way as I begin to climb the stairs and I look back at him over my shoulder.

"Follow me."

I don't ask if he wants to. I'm fucking done asking questions. I am getting what's mine.

He follows me quickly into my room and closes the door behind himself. I begin to take off my boots, not once looking at him before he speaks.

"Katniss, I've -"

I hold up a finger and he stops.

"No. You and me are done talking. Shut up and take off your pants."

He hesitates for a long while and I roll my eyes as I slip out of my dress.

"Or go downstairs and and I'll text Mark. I don't care either way." (Liar liar pants on fire.)

"Who the hell is Mark?" He asks as he stands unmoving.

I begin to take my earrings out and watch him.

"You should know, you watched us dancing all night."

I fling the earrings down onto my table and walk towards my closet.

"Now. Either do what I asked or get out."

His nostrils flare for a moment but he loses his clothes in record time. He's fully hard and I raise my eyebrows. Reaching into my closet I pull out a tie and turn towards him.

"Lay down and put your hands over your head." He eyes me warily but does as I ask. I walk over to him and when he reaches out to touch my side I back away. He furrows his eyebrows but puts his arms back in place and I quickly secure them. When I don't immediately join him and begin walking back to my closet instead, he speaks up.

"Where are you going?"

"You may be ready to go but I'm not."

I search through my drawer looking for my vibrator. When I return I see him craning his neck to look at me.

"You know if you untie me I can help get you ready." He smiles at me. I don't return it.

"I've been handling it fine by myself for the past few months. I'll be fine thanks."

He smile is gone instantly and I ignore the stabbing feeling in my gut. I continue on my mission despite it and he resumes watching me, even more skeptical than before.

When I peel off my remaining clothing and sit down in my vanity chair with my legs spread, his mouth falls open. When I begin to rub my clit he starts to squirm, and when I turn the vibrator on and replace my fingers, moving them to my nipple he forgets about his restraints entirely and tries to get up.

Ignoring his plight I close my eyes, my legs spreading open wider. I moan and let myself get lost. When I come the first time I finally open my eyes and almost laugh at the glazed expression he's wearing.

Instead of laughing I switch the vibrator off and toss it down. Walking over to him I climb onto the bed.

"Have you fucked anyone else?" I ask him and he shakes his head.

"No, no one."

I nod at him and straddle his lap, wrapping my hand around his dick, causing him to let out a long sigh. I run the head against my clit and down to my opening, covering him thanks to how wet I am, and I chance a look at him when I begin to slowly sink down onto his cock.

His eyes roll back in his head. Mine do a little too.

"Katniss." He breathes my name and I feel my facade begin to crack. I realize that if I want any chance at escaping this alive it's going to have to be hard, fast, and dirty.

Luckily I've been working out a lot. Bending my back i reach behind myself to grab onto my calves as an anchor, and let loose.

I ride him so hard and fast that the first time I come I don't feel it approach. I don't say his name. I don't let myself, instead spewing a string of profanities. When I hazard a look at him his eyes are closed and I feel the anger boil inside.

"Open your eyes. You fucking watched me all night. I expect you to Watch me now." His eyes fly open and lock onto mine when I finish speaking, the blue shades darker than usual.

"Fuck Katniss I'm going to come."

I don't let up my pace. For fucks sake I'm going to come again just from seeing his eyes.

"Well then do it." I snarl and he moans loudly. A few moments later I feel him come inside of me, and I follow him after a single moment.

Before climbing off of him I lean up and untie his wrists, which are an angry red color now. I think about apologizing but decide against it, instead getting out of bed and going to clean myself up.

When I come back a few minutes later, my bed is empty, and I can hear the guest door shut down the hall.


	4. Chapter 4

**This is kind of a filler "lets get some real talking emotional things out of the way" chapter. Also, it's been a bit since I've been to DC so excuse me if I get some things wrong. I'm thinking there will be five of these after all and a epilogue to go with it, so six total. Enjoy! **

* * *

I wake up the next morning to the sound of the boys downstairs being loud as fuck. My head is pounding and I feel like I have to puke and it has nothing to do with my alcohol intake from last night. I reach for my phone and am not surprised that the guy I shamelessly ground myself all over last night has texted me, asking if I would like to grab coffee at some point this week. I don't respond. He seemed nice enough, but the least fair thing in the world I could do to him would be to date him and not really want him. The boy I want is down the hall, angry with me for using him and my heart is so heavy I roll over in bed instead of going downstairs to see my guests, my best friends. I don't think I could look any of them in the eye this morning anyways. Especially not him.

So instead I opt to go back to sleep, even if it is 10 in the morning. I don't have work today so fuck it. Just fuck it all.

I hear a knock at my door sometime later and groan out something around the lines of "lemme alone" before whoever it is barges in. Flopping down on the bed next to me is Finnick, a look of concern on his face.

"What Finn?"

"Kat, why are you still asleep? It's like 11 in the morning. And we're only here for a few days."

I mumble something incoherent and roll over to face away from him, but he isn't having any of that. Rolling me back over he forces me to look at him.

"Does this have anything to do with the fact that Peeta went out to "explore the town" at like 9 this morning and hasn't come back yet?"

Ouch. That hurts. He doesn't know DC at all but he would rather go out than stay in a house with me. But then again, he'd rather fuck me than be in a relationship with me so I guess that's to be expected.

"He shouldn't have come Finn." It's all I can muster and I see the pity in Finnick's eyes. I hate being pitied. I sit up quickly taking him by surprise and I feel the anger that has been bubbling beneath the surface for almost a solid year come up like word vomit. (Yeah, like in Mean Girls. Just like that.)

"I can't see him anymore Finnick. I just, I can't. How the fuck am I ever going to get over someone who doesn't want me and I'm still for some reason in love with if I don't' ever get any distance from him? And I set out last night to show him, to show him that….. I don't know, he wanted me as badly as I wanted him ,and he did but I fucked it up because of course using him just makes me feel like shit, which isn't surprising because letting myself get used didn't feel great either. Just so fucked up. You and Gale know Finn, you know, and you still brought him here. Why? Why would you do that to me?"

I am yelling at this point, not caring if everyone in a ten-mile radius hears me. Finnick looks at me in shock first and then in the most annoying way possible he smirks at me.

"Gale and I know, Katniss sure. But we also know that you aren't going to get over him just by moving away from him. I don't know. I guess we were hoping that maybe you would see him and realize how ridiculous this whole situation is."

And now I'm fucking livid.

"Oh so I'm the one being ridiculous? Finnick I told him, okay? I fucking told him how I felt about him and he walked away. And it hurts. It hurts every single goddamn day and apparently I'm a masochist because I fucked him last night anyways, hoping that maybe it would help or some shit and it didn't and now he can't even stand to be in the same house as me."

At this point I'm shaking so badly from the anger I'm finally letting loose that I can barely stand but I do so anyways. Taking a deep breath I head towards my bathroom, but before I can get there Finnick has thrown me over his shoulder and is heading towards my door. He stops for a moment to rummage through my dresser, picking out some clothes before heading for the stairs.

"FInnick WHAT THE FUCK PUT ME DOWN."

I can hear him chuckle as I begin to pound my fists on his back.

"Nope not happening. You need some best friend time. Gale and I would have never lived through our early twenties without you there to pick us up time and time again so this time you are going to let us take care of you. Starting now."

He sits me down on one of my barstools and I sigh in defeat. Grinning because he knows he's won, he hands me the clothes he grabbed out of my dresser, a simple pair of jeans, a t shirt and underwear.

"Now, get dressed and we are going to get out of this house. Fuck Peeta. He's acting like a prick. I get that. So we are going to forget about him and go out and do something. And it will be fun."

Gale is standing at the oven making grilled sandwiches and grins at me.

"Yep, Finn's right. It's going to be fun so get that look of your face Catnip or I'll start pulling out pictures from when we were kids."

That threat always puts my ass in gear. My mom thought bowl cuts were a uni-sex haircut so I'm fairly desperate to not let those pictures be seen, and in moments I'm changed and my hair is freshly braided. Gale plops a sandwich down on my plate and grins at me before placing a kiss on the top of my head.

"Eat up, we have some sightseeing to do!" Finnick whoops somewhere in the living room at Gale's proclamation and I feel myself begin to slightly relax. This could be good for me. At the very least I'll get some good exercise in.

* * *

After a few hours of sightseeing, food trucks, and a very thorough examination and tour of the Spy museum at Finnick's insistence, we make our way home to get ready to go out to eat. I feel more or so like myself again, my smiles coming more easily and my laughter not forced. These boys always know how to snap me out of a funk.

When we arrive home to get ready and find that Peeta still isn't there however, my funk is immediately brought back on.

"Wonder where he is?" Finnick wonders out loud as he adjusts his tie. Both he and Gale look dashing in their suits, and I must say I look nice in the understated black floor length dress I have chosen for dinner. The boys have picked one of the most expensive restaurants in town for dinner, a place called Fiola or something that Finn says is "all the rave online", and they apparently made reservations the moment they found out I'd be moving here. I wasn't even surprised as this, but what is surprising is that Peeta would miss it since he is the foodie out of all of us. Sighing I collect my things and am met by curious stares from Finnick and Gale.

"I know where he is. I'll get him and meet you guys there okay? Give me his suit."

Without asking any questions they hand me a dry cleaning bag that contains Peeta's suit inside and I quickly hail a taxi to take me to where I know him to be.

"Take me to the Hirshhorn please."

The cabbie nods immediately and we take off. Luckily I live in a great location in the actual DC area so it doesn't take long to arrive. I ask him to wait at least twenty minutes for me and by some miracle he agrees. I take off towards the entrance but stop short when I see the gardens. I decide to look there first, and find him quickly, staring at the famous Rodin cast in the garden.

I walk up behind him quietly, until I am standing next to him but he remains silent.

"They look like they're in so much pain don't they?"

His voice jars me out of the silence we have been standing in since I arrived and I look at his face to follow his gaze.

"Yeah well they thought they were going to be executed. They were sacrificing themselves for their city because their king was a dick. I guess pain and anguish is part of the deal."

I shrug and he turns to look at me quickly, probably astonished I even know what the statue is about. I'm not an art person but I do love these gardens so I know what lies in them. I shrug as nonchalantly as possible at his shock and he returns his gaze to the statue.

"Sometimes history's best heroes are the ones willing to sacrifice themselves for the ones they love I guess."

This time I turn to look at him.

"Yeah well not always. Sometimes it was their stupidity in the first place that makes them have to sacrifice themselves."

"So you don't think they were heroes?"

This time I turn to face him.

"I think if it hadn't been for one man's stupidity they wouldn't have needed to do what they did. That doesn't mean they aren't heroes. But then again I don't really have much of a grasp on the Hundred Years War."

After a beat I sigh.

"Peeta, Finnick and Gale are waiting for us at this fancy restaurant. I have your suit in the cab. Come on."

I turn to walk away, assuming he's following when I hear him call out my name.

"Katniss, wait."

I turn around and see he hasn't moved from his spot, only turning to face where I've been headed back out towards the cab.

"God damn it, what Peeta?" I ask as I make my way back towards him.

"Is that what you were doing last night? Doing what you thought you needed to do because of my stupidity?"

I falter for a moment, and turn my eyes back onto the statue. The faces of the men match the way I feel most of the time as of late, feelings of anguish, of imperative doom. (Okay so I'm being dramatic, sue me.)

"I did what I did last night because I'm an ass, okay? I'm sorry I used you. It made me feel like shit. It won't happen again all right? I thought maybe I would prove something to you or some shit like that but this isn't some fucking movie where the characters end up happily ever after. I know that. Or the sensible part of me does at least. Can we just go eat now?"

I try and hide the way my voice cracks and for a long moment he just looks at me, not responding before he nods his head once.

"Yeah. Lead the way."

We leave the garden without another word, and I bite my tongue to keep from crying.


	5. Chapter 5

**Okay so I know I'm throwing the last two chapters at you in one day but I have the patience of someone who has no patience. I want to finish this mini fic up so I can return my focus to ACP, and I figured why not just post it all at once?**

* * *

Two years, four months and seven days. That's how long it's been since the last time I've seen Peeta Mellark.

I'd be lying if I said I've forgotten about him, that I don't still love him. I mean obviously I know to the day how long it's been since we said goodbye the one time he came with Gale and Finnick to visit, but I'd also be lying if I said these past two years were miserable without him. They haven't been, in fact they've been good.

When Haymitch Abernathy won our district's senate seat, Gale moved to DC as his aid and immediately moved in with me. It's been great to have a piece of home here, even if it means that sometimes there is a drunk senator asleep on my couch who insists on calling me sweetheart. And there's Gale's girlfriend Johanna who I've come to love and who moved in with us a few months ago. She's quickly becoming one of my best friends. Even Finnick makes frequent trips to visit, especially since his job lobbying for cleaner oceans to keep our fishing resources abundant and healthy requires him to do so. And his fiancé Annie is a real treat to be around, and has calmed him down. Some.

Life is good. Not that I don't think about him from time to time, but I usually am able to push those thoughts away and enjoy myself. I even had a successful relationship with a nice man named Marvel, or Marv as Gale and Finn liked to call him, but unfortunately he had to move and it wasn't anything extremely serious, but it was nice. It reminded me that I am worth something good.

I also had a not so successful relationship with a Peeta look alike named Cato, whom Gale eventually beat the shit out of, much to Johanna's bemusement and my horror, but you win some and you lose some I suppose.

My trips home are infrequent, as I make enough money to fly Prim and my Mom up to see me often enough, but they are both understanding when it comes to my reluctance to come home.

After our talk in the garden and our dinner that night, Peeta and I skirted around each other, using Finn and Gale as buffers. I could tell he wanted to talk to me about something but he never approached me and I was done trying to force a conversation so I just let it go, and by proxy I let him go as well. It hurt like hell but it was for the best in the long run I suppose.

From what Finnick and Gale have told me he's doing fairly well. Single, running a bakery, and he mostly keeps to himself. Prim swears it's because he hasn't gotten over me, but I don't let myself entertain that idea. It's too hopeful, and I know Prim just wants me to move home and marry him to have little chunky children, but my life is here now. I get to do good things in my line of work, friends surround me, and that's good enough for me.

Sometimes I do dream about those chunky children but I can't control where my subconscious wanders. Those days are tough, but I've learned that if I run until my legs burn and my chest aches I can keep myself from slipping into a Peeta Mellark fueled depression. It's not great but it's what I've got, so it's more than I could have hoped for when he broke my heart all those years ago.

One Saturday morning I wake up to a sunny day and make my way downstairs to the kitchen for coffee. It's been a tough few weeks here in DC, what with the government shutdown, the navy yard shooting and all sorts of other things, so I'm not surprised to find Johanna and Gale sitting at the table quietly discussing a plan to get out of the city. I haven't really thought about it, since I don't really have anywhere I particularly want to go, and I turn my attention to the paper until Gale clears his throat.

"Hey Catnip, we were thinking about going camping for a weekend next month. Finnick and Annie may join, would you like to come?" I look up at him and Johanna, both staring at me waiting for an answer.

"Maybe some other time. I don't want to fifth wheel it, you know?" I shrug apologetically.

Gale scoffs, but I see Johanna reach out and grab his arm, shooting him a look that says "leave her the fuck alone", another reason I've come to love her. She seems to know when to push me and when to not, something Gale has never caught onto even though he's my oldest friend. He quickly shuts his mouth and Johanna and I share a smirk at her ability to tame his temper. She's like a miracle worker I swear.

We spend the rest of the day lazily, Gale in the office, Johanna and I yelling at the refs on TV during all the football games until we are laughing so hard we are reduced to tears. I hear the phone ring in the office but don't really think anything of it; since the landline is the number we give out to not so important work colleagues, and I just assume it's one of the staff members Gale works with.

When he comes out of the office holding the phone to his side, his face pale and in shock however, both Johanna and I sit up and mute the television instantly.

"Babe what is it?" Johanna asks worriedly, and he looks at her for a moment before his eyes land on me.

I'm off the couch in an instant, standing in front of him.

"Gale. What's wrong? Who was that on the phone?" My voice is calm surprisingly, considering my heart is beating a million miles an hour. "Is it Prim? My mom? Rory? Gale what is WRONG?" I yell the last work involuntarily and he shakes his head, as if to clear his mind and get it working again.

"It's, um, that was Peeta's brother."

My heart sinks into my stomach.

"There was an accident Catnip. We need to go home."

* * *

I squirm in the seat of the rental car we picked up at the airport when we landed at home. My mind is a haze of worry and nervousness. I don't think Peeta would really want me here, but Gale would hear none of it. He is one of our oldest friends after all, and when one of your oldest friends is in the ICU, you go. Even if he is the man you've been in love with for years that never loved you back, he's still the boy I shared all my secrets with, still the boy whose smile would light up a room. And now he's on a ventilator, coming out of a hospital-induced coma.

Gale said that there had been some sort of oven issue at the bakery, and it caused a gas explosion. Peeta had managed to crawl his way out of the place before he fell into unconsciousness. A beam had fallen on him and punctured a lung somehow, and his leg had been so badly burned it was amputated. He suffered burns on his entire body as well but none as bad as his leg. I haven't been able to speak, not since the image of him, so broken and injured and alone had invaded my head. Gale has been quiet as well, and Johanna has been the only one of us to really handle anything. She got our plane tickets and checked our luggage and has been nursing us back to reality.

When we pull up into the hospital parking lot she shuts off the car engine and sighs.

"Okay guys. I know you're shaken and afraid, but take my advice. The best thing you can do right now for him is to be strong. Don't act like he's less than he was before. Right now he needs people that love him to be there and show him that even though he's lost a lot he still has a lot as well."

I blink and turn to look at her. Gale raises her knuckles to his mouth and kisses them lightly. Johanna's family has had a lot of shit thrown at them so I know she's speaking from experience. I nod in her direction and take a deep breath.

"Just keep being you Johanna, that's been what's been grounding us both so far."

She smiles sadly at us before running a hand across Gale's cheek and squeezing my hand.

"Alright lets go." Gale hops out and opens my door, helping my out of the car before running to do the same for Johanna. She takes both of our hands and we make our way into the ICU, where my mom is a nurse. I see her when we walk in, her back turned to us as we walk up to the desk.

"Mommy?" I say quietly and she turns around instantly, probably since I haven't called her that in years. She quickly rushes around the counter and embraces me, Gale and Johanna.

"Hey baby. I'm so sorry. I've been keeping an eye on him for you guys I promise."

Gale smiles and kisses my mom on the cheek and Johanna smiles at her as well. I fall into her arms again

"Is he…. Is he going to be okay?" I ask shakily. She pulls back to look me in the face and pushes my hair behind my ear.

"Yes, but it's going to be different for him. He doesn't have a leg anymore and his livelihood has been burned to the ground. His dad says the insurance claim will be enough to rebuild it, and we have the best prosthetics man in the business here for him. But he's alive and that's the most important thing."

I nod at her, my eyes looking down the long hallway. I see Finnick and Annie set up in chairs next to Peeta's brothers Samuel and Matt. His Dad is pacing the halls and Matt has his arm around Mrs. Mellark who is resting her head in her hands. My mom kisses my cheek and nods towards where they all are, and the three of us make our way.

Finnick is up instantly and pulling both Gale and I into a massive bear hug. His eyes are red rimmed like I'm sure ours are, and he holds on for a long minute. When he lets us go he gives us a half hearted smile before indicating to the empty chairs near him and Annie. We sit down, but it isn't long before Samuel is kneeling in front of where I sit.

"Hey Sammy." I say weekly. I lean forward and wrap my arms around him the best I can in this position. We hug for a while before he pats my back. I lean back and wipe the tears from my eyes and he grabs both of my hands.

"Hey Kitten. It's nice to see you. Shitty circumstances though."

I nod.

"It's good to see you too. How is he?" I ask shakily.

He sighs deeply.

"He's awake finally. But uh, well…." He pauses and scratches the back of his head, a trademark Mellark move when they're nervous.

"What?" I ask and he takes a deep breath.

"He's been asking for you. Before he was even conscious really. The family has been in and out to see him, and Mom's been sleeping here. She said he asks for you when he's asleep too. Or more just seems to want to know if you're coming."

I swallow heavily.

"Sam, he hasn't seen me in years. Why….." I blink away the new tears starting to fall and choke on my words, shaking my head.

"I….. well I'm not sure. But he wants to see you as soon as he can." I nod at him and when he lets my hands go I wipe my palms on my jeans nervously before standing up. I make my way towards his door and look in.

He's been taking off the ventilator, that much I can tell. His head is turned in the direction of the window, and there's a large gash running down his cheek and onto his neck. The spot where his leg used to be is strangely empty under the sheet and both of his arms are heavily bandaged in areas. I stand there for a long moment before I begin to back away, making a run for the restroom before I begin to hyperventilate. I hear my friends calling my name but I ignore them and throw myself into the first stall I find to sit on the toilet seat and calm myself down. Or more accurately, have a full break down, as I begin to choke on sobs that I don't think will ever stop.

I'm not sure how long I sit there, crying my eyes out, before there is a quiet knock on the stall door. I lean forward to open the door without standing up and am more that surprised when I see Mrs. Mellark standing opposite me. She's never really cared for me, but she put up with me since Peeta and I were such close friends. She looks much older than I remember and the bags under her eyes indicate that "staying the night" with Peeta really means she's been holding a sleepless vigil.

"Katniss honey, I know this is hard but he really needs to see you."

I look up at her and wipe my eyes and nose with some toilet paper.

"I know Mrs. Mellark, I just….. it's been so long and he looks so…." I begin to sob again and she squeezes into the stall along side me, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"I know. I know he does believe me. He's my baby and it hurts like hell, but he's alive. I hope you don't mind but he told me about the two of you and what happened." Sighing she chuckles but it doesn't hold a trace of humor.

"He may have gotten his ability to charm everyone and his mild manners from his father, but he got his incapability to be emotionally available from me I'm afraid. I know he should be the one telling you this, but I'm going to anyways."

I look up at her, my interest piqued.

"He has been in love with you since you were both children sweetie. But he always thought he wasn't good enough for you. You and I both know that's not the case but he thought that if you were with him you would never get out of this town and live the life you wanted. He didn't want you to regret him, and he was positive that is what would happen."

"He said that?" I ask in shock but she shakes her head no.

"No, but I know my son. He has been pining after you since the moment he met you. And when he finally had you for those few months he thought that would be it, and when you wanted more he was afraid all of his worst nightmares were coming true. I think he was resigned to living out his life here, alone, but then he almost died and now I think he's afraid he'll die without ever seeing you again."

I know her words are meant to reassure me, but instead I break down again, crying out in the same ugly sobs as before. She pulls me up and holds me to her, soothingly running her hands up and down my back.

"He, he can't die, he can't ever die." I find myself choking out, and she puts her hands on my face to look me in the eyes.

"Everyone dies. You know that better than anyone. But you could both live your lives denying yourselves happiness or you could give him another chance. I know he hurt you, and I know he'll probably never forgive himself, but if you put up a fight for him I think you would both be happier for it."

In the most words she has ever said to me in our long time of knowing each other, Mrs. Mellark has driven her point home. I nod at her numbly and she leads me down the hallway towards the room. She squeezes my hand and I turn to look at her once we've reached the door.

"We'll all be right out here alright?" I give her a weak smile and taking a deep breath, I open the door.

In between the time I looked in his door and ran into the bathroom to fall apart, he's fallen asleep. I make my way over the side of his bed and sit in the chair next to him quietly, taking in his various injuries. The burn mark on his cheek and neck are covered in some type of goo but don't look too awful. The bandages on his arm wrap around what I'm sure are more burns. His face looks peaceful, which I'm sure is due to the morphine drip running in his veins. Trembling I reach forward and brush some of his blonde hair out his eyes while he sleeps, my fingertips ghosting over his eyebrows. I can feel tears beginning to run down my cheek again but this time it's a silent cry. He looks so broken, and seeing him like this makes the reality that he could have died really hit me.

"Oh Peeta." I hear myself whisper. He doesn't move from his sleep and taking a deep breath I decide to finally let it all out, knowing he won't be able to hear me.

"You crazy stupid boy. Your mom and I had a talk, which is surprising enough in itself, but she said some things I really wish you had told me a few years ago. Is that why when I finally told you I loved you, when I was moving to DC, you left without saying anything? God Peeta, I know you've always been a good guy but I wish you had been selfish and had told me you loved me or had even just asked me to stay. I'm fairly miserable without you and if you had died I wouldn't have been able to go on living the life you so desperately wanted me to live. What would have been the point if you weren't alive to live it with me?"

He sighs in his sleep causing me to immediately stop talking, my heart thudding in my chest. Laying my head down near his shoulder I listen to his breathing, my hand lying on his chest after I check to make sure there are no bandages where I have placed it. Exhaustion must finally take over and the last thing I hear before I slip into unconsciousness comes from his lips, as he mumbles my name in his sleep.

I come to sometime later, voices talking in the adjoining hospital suite quietly. I don't open my eyes or even move, and I feel slightly guilty for wanting to eavesdrop but I do anyways. I've been lain out on a cot in the next room for family members of ICU patients and I can hear Peeta, his mother, and Gale's voices.

"Peet I get why you may be mad at your mom for telling Katniss, but were you ever going to?" Gale hisses and I feel my heart begin to beat more rapidly. He must have heard what I said to him. Or his mom told him. Hopefully his mom told him and he didn't hear me.

"No of course not. I can't offer her anything and she's stubborn as hell so the best thing was to just bow out and let her hate me." I hear him say defensively. I almost sit up but his mothers voice breaks into the silence that has settled around the room.

"Except she doesn't hate you Peeta. She loves you. She couldn't even come in here because she was a wreck at the thought of losing you, and I doubt that girl has it in her to ever hate you. She's probably loved you as long as you have her and what's not fair is that you never even gave her a chance." Her voice has an edge to it, the one that used to scare the shit out of us when we were kids and had literally been caught with our hands in the cookie jar right before dinner. I feel my lips quirk up slightly.

"Dude, she's been trying the best she can for the past few years, but I see it. I know her like the back of my hand, and she probably thinks I don't notice but I do." Gale sighs quietly and I think I can hear him sit down in a chair.

"Notice what Gale?" Peeta's mom asks while Peeta himself remains quiet.

"How every time some blonde guy that has your build walks by she can't help but look. It's like she's hoping you are just going to show up or something. She'll get this weird glazed look in her eyes and be quiet for the next few days and it's fucking sad. And she has these nightmares about when her dad died that she doesn't know Jo and I know about but when we go in to wake her up she always thinks one of us is you. It's not fair of you to just fucking decide for her that you aren't what she deserves. To be honest I think you've treated her like a piece of shit and I don't think you're what she deserves at all, but you're what she fucking wants apparently. So stop being a dick."

I hear Peeta's mom chuckle darkly.

"He's right son. I won't use quite the same vernacular, but in trying to do what you thought was the right thing you've really hurt the one girl you've ever loved. I don't know if it can be fixed but instead of doing what you and I do best and pushing away someone who loves you, why can't you at least have the decency to tell her how you feel about her? You could have died son, and I think a part of her would have died right along with you."

The entire room falls silent and I hear the door shut. I assume both Gale and Mrs. Mellark have left the room and I let myself lay on the cot for a while longer. How fucking obvious has it been to everyone these past however many years that I was head over heels for him? How did he not realize it? I sigh running my hands over my face and his voice jars me from making any more movements.

"Katniss I know you're awake. Stop hiding and come out." My head jerks in the direction of the room and I slowly get up, working the kinks out of my neck and back from what was a fitful sleep at best. Rising I walk to the door and stop at the entrance, looking at him.

He's sitting up in bed, his bandages freshly changed and his hair washed, tucked behind his ears.

"Hey stranger." He finally says and I furrow my eyebrows before silently walking over to the chair I fell asleep in last night.

When I sit down he clears his throat.

"How much of that did you hear?"

I shrug at him and play with the end of my braid. He sighs.

"Look Katniss, I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what exactly Peeta?" I don't want to have this conversation now while he is sitting in a hospital bed but I guess it's happening anyways.

"Sorry that you had to hear that I guess. Sorry you had to worry yourself over me." It's all he says before he looks away from me, and I feel myself get angry, and I know it's completely rational at least this once.

"Are you fucking serious Peeta? You almost died, I actually thought you might be dead by the time we got here and you apologize for me worrying about that? What the fuck is wrong with you? Why can't you just say something worth saying instead of always just saying meaningless shit that you think will spare my feelings? I haven't seen you in two years because I have been trying to get over someone I never had, and it hasn't fucking worked. Are you really so hard headed and so fucking goddamn sure that you aren't worth the world to me that you are convinced this is what's for the best?"

I'm yelling at him so loudly that a nurse rushes in, but he dismisses her with a tiny wave. She eyes me over, and I flash a steely gaze until she backs out of the room timidly.

"Katniss I…"

I hold up a hand and he stops speaking abruptly.

"No. Stop fucking talking. Unless you are finally going to tell me what I've been waiting to hear you say since we were practically children I don't want to hear it. I have tried Peeta. I have tried to not be in love with you, to not think about you, and it doesn't fucking work. I'm living a life that should be fulfilling but it's not because guess what shithead? You aren't a part of it. Is it me? Am I not enough? Do you not want me? Please just tell me the goddamn truth: either you love me and want me or you don't love me. No more of this "we are just friends" and "I am not good enough I'll just hold you back" bullshit. Just fucking tell me something that isn't fake, something that's real. Please."

At this point I'm whimpering and he looks like I just told him they are going to take his other leg. I want to take his face in my hands and soothe him, but not as much as I want to kick him or punch him. After a few long minutes of silence I sigh, and feel myself begin to tear up again.

"Goddamn it Peeta Mellark. Every time. You break my heart every single time."

I get up to leave the room when he finally speaks.

"Katniss. Don't…. don't leave." I turn around to face him.

"Why Peeta? Give me a reason."

He searches my face for a long moment before he speaks again.

"Because I love you. That's why. Are you fucking happy now? I finally said it. The one thing I have tried to not say for basically my entire life. I love you, there isn't anyone I want besides you, and you aren't mine to have." He lays his head back on his pillow, making sure to not look at me. I stand stunned for a few moments before I cautiously make my way back over to his bed.

"Why do you think I am not yours? That I don't want to be?"

Without looking at me, his eyes focused on the ceiling he sighs.

"Because you are perfect. I'm a fucked up guy who probably peaked in high school. What can I offer you that someone else can't? Don't you get that you would be so much better off without me? You could have a perfect life. I've done the right thing by letting you go."

"Peeta you look at me right now." I snap and he does, his eyes wide as saucers. I know I look absolutely livid, and it's because I am.

"This isn't some book or movie or goddamn statue in a garden, where you are being the self sacrificing hero of the story. This is a story where you are being selfish because you are afraid you might get hurt. You can't say it's because you're afraid of hurting me because you have done that over and over again but I still keep this fucking piece of hope alive that one day you'll wake the fuck up and realize that life isn't perfect, but it could be close for us if you would just get the hell over yourself."

His mouth drops open and he sits in silence for a moment before he says anything again.

"And what now? What now Katniss? I'm a gimp with a burnt down business, and you live in Washington DC doing something good for the world. What do you expect out of this?" His eyes are full of fire, but his resolve is finally, blessedly breaking. I take a chance and gingerly climb onto his bed, on his side, putting my hands on the side of his face. His eyes close for a brief moment.

"Now? Peeta I can do my job from here. Fuck, you could do your job from DC if you wanted. The insurance money means you'll have your business back eventually and I don't ever want to hear you call yourself a gimp again. Men and women across this world lose limbs every day and they go on to live happy and fulfilled lives as long as they choose to not focus on what they've lost. You will get a prosthetic and learn to walk again, hell you could learn to run again if you wanted. And if you will get over yourself I will be here to help you. That's all I want. Just please stop pushing me away. If you do once more I won't come back. It won't be because I won't love you anymore, but it will be because I can't continually have my soul crushed by you, do you fucking understand?"

He nods for a long moment, before turning his face to kiss my palm.

"Okay Katniss. Okay."


	6. Epilogue

**And here is the epilogue. It's short and sweet. I hope you all enjoyed this little story. I'm fairly impressed with myself for finishing it.**

* * *

I am pretty much dead asleep when I hear the sound of someone knocking on my bedroom door, followed by the tell tale sound of my four year old daughter speaking from the other side.

"Mommy? Daddy? I had a bad dream."

Groaning I roll over to look at Peeta, who grins at me. Leaning over to kiss my forehead he tells me to go back to sleep. He sits up and attaches his fake leg before getting up to go and tend to her and hopefully get her to fall back asleep. Unfortunately I am now wide awake and extremely aware of the fact that I need to pee. When I return from the bathroom a few minutes later, Peeta is sitting up in our bed, grinning at me.

"What?" I snap, never one to be woken up in the middle of the night in a good mood.

"Nothing" he laughs and I eye him warily before he finally folds. "You just have your nightshirt on backwards is all. And inside out." He says before doubling over in laughter. Looking down I see that he's right, and in a fit of pure annoyance I whip it off my body and throw it to the floor, effectively shutting him up when he sees how naked I am underneath it.

Getting back in bed I huff and turn on my side facing away from him, and I still feel him chuckling when he wraps himself around my body.

"I'm sorry. I know you don't like to be teased when you've been woken up." He says as he smiles into my hair. He's pressed up against me with no room between us and I instinctively push my bare ass back against him. I hear him take a sharp intake of breath and smile.

"And what exactly do you think you're doing Mrs. Mellark?" He whispers darkly in my ear before rolling me over and effectively pinning me underneath him.

I quickly lean up and nip at his bottom lip, grinning at him as I do so.

"Well Mr. Mellark, in around an hour I will have to get up and feed _your _son so the least you could do is so me some appreciation."

He smiles at me softly before leaning down to capture my lips for a brief moment before pulling away much to my disappointment.

"It's amazing that Clara wakes us up in the middle of the night more than he does." He says with a chuckle and I have to agree with him.

Ashton had been a surprise, but a very happy one at that, and for a baby his tendency to sleep through the night is nothing short of a miracle, even if at first it scared me to death that he wasn't crying constantly at night like his sister had.

"Yeah well how about we use that to our advantage right now?" I say with my eyebrow cocked, and Peeta's eyes immediately darken. Reaching down between us, he begins to slowly run his fingers up and down my lips, already starting to get wet at just the thought of him fucking me. Some things never change I guess.

When he finally thrusts two of his fingers inside of me I scrape my fingers down his bare back, finally settling my hands under his boxer briefs and on his ass.

"Fuck Peeta" I whimper and he traces his tongue across the shell of my ear, causing goose bumps to rise all over my skin.

"God Katniss, you're still so fucking tight. I love how wet you get for me." He growls as I begin to ride his hand. He leans down to take my nipple into his mouth and I moan before his free hand comes up to cover my mouth so the kids don't hear. Next month we're moving into a bigger house where the rooms will be further apart but until then I have to keep my screams and moans to a minimum when we fuck, because neither of us want to relive the time when Clara woke up and banged on our door because she was afraid something bad was happening to me.

That was really embarrassing for me. For Peeta, it was the funniest moment of his life. I'm just dreading the day she gets older and realizes what was happening. Hopefully by then she won't remember that night though.

When I'm keening and thrashing under him and finally can't take anymore I yank his boxers down to his knees, and grab his wrist, removing his fingers from me before rolling us over. Peeta scrambles to sit up against the headboard as I straddle him. Taking him in my hand I slowly move against his dick, pumping him up and down until he's panting into my shoulder. Locking my hand that isn't currently holding him behind his neck, I slowly lower myself onto him, and we both groan in relief.

Placing my free hand on his shoulder, and my forehead against his, I begin to slowly grind onto him, just to feel every inch that's inside of me. His arms wrap themselves around my back, as we begin a slow rhythm, just enjoying that we can do this with each other, that we can feel each other so thoroughly, especially since there was once a time when we both never thought it would happen again.

It took us some time to repair what was an admittedly fucked up relationship, but we did. When Peeta rebuilt the bakery and I transferred back here, it took me a long time to convince him that being with him was not something I would ever find myself regretting. I think after being together for 7 years, married for 5 with two children he finally gets that the only thing I would have regretting is if we had never given ourselves the chance.

"Ugh Katniss fuck." His groan brings me out of my head, and I swoop down to kiss him as I begin to pick up the pace. The sound of our skin slapping together fills our room and as I feel myself building up towards my orgasm I bite down on his shoulder, the occasional moan and whimper breaking free.

"That's it baby, come for me." He whispers in my ear, and after a few more rather violent thrusts I do just that, with him not far behind. I lay my head on my shoulder, and don't make any move to get off of him while we both catch our breath. Finally he picks my lifeless body up off of his and tucks me gently into his side, encasing me with both of his arms. His nose brushes against my cheek and I smile to myself in the darkness.

"What are you thinking about?" He asks me after a few moments, and turn in his arms, placing a chaste kiss to his lips.

"How happy I am." I tell him, a small smile playing at my lips.

He smiles back before kissing my forehead.

"Me too love. Me too."


End file.
